"I have to go home. I have TONS to do."

I come home.
I sit at the computer.
I drink some tea.
I become sleepy.
I lay down for a minute.
I sleep for a minute.
I sleep for over thirteen hours.

Uhhh?
Hm.
I got absolutely nothing done.

I wonder if I died for thirteen hours.

Endearment

Okay, I admit it.

I am in love.

According to Dictionary.com, LOVE is..

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.–verb (used with object)
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
20. to have sexual intercourse with.
21.to have love or affection for another person; be in love.—Verb phrase
22.love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance she gets. —Idioms
23.for love,
a.out of affection or liking; for pleasure.
b.without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love.
24.for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise.
25.in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.
26.in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.
27.make love,
a.to embrace and kiss as lovers.
b.to engage in sexual activity.
28.no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lost between the two brothers.


Hm.
That's no help. How about answers.com...


A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
Sexual passion.
Sexual intercourse.
A love affair.
An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.
often Love Christianity. Charity.
Sports. A zero score in tennis.


I must be insane.
If this is what love is... then maybe it's not my sickness.

Nitfrig:

...is when my muscles melt away from my body and I no longer have control over my functions.
...is when your smile makes me want to cry and drown in my puddle of happiness with you.
...is when I am hypnotized by your eyes, and am willing to do anything you ask.
...is touching your skin and never wanting to touch anything else.
...is staring at the sky and knowing you are looking at it too, wherever you are.
...is dreaming of you every night, wishing you were next to me.
...is the anxiety I feel for the next phone call, text, or message I get from you.
...is arguing about who cares about the other more.
...is still wanting to give you foot massages even though you never let me.
...is the tightness I get in my gut when you giggle.
...is playing questions from sundown to sunrise.
...is telling stories in a bathtub about our childhood.
...is wanting to be away from everyone and everything all the time.
...is when dissatisfaction feels milleniums from my inner being.
...is when sickness won't even keep me from you.
...is wanting to protect you, but knowing you should experience everything yourself.
...is missing you even when you are right next to me.

We invented our own kind of love, dear.

Someday, I will wake up. You will be right there next to me. I can fall asleep the next night, and you will be there again. We can relearn how to share. We can play house. We can experience everything over again.
Again.
And again.
Over and over.

Every time I see the moon, I think of you.
And the sun.
And the clouds.

...every time.

I nitfrig you.

Cold Sweats

Grasping sheets. Throwing arms at nothing, finding nothing. Darkness is heavy. No vision. No words. Icy droplets form and run, trickle down my neck. Air passages close and open violently. Convulsions. Furrowed brow. Tight jaw muscles push forward their energy, all that is left. The build up. My fingers, hands, arms, and shoulders feel the anticipation. My body prepares. I lunge...

I cough.

My head falls down lightly upon the feather pillow. The throat feels red and raw.

Now we play the waiting game.

Lost Trains

Hold on to my head for a minute, would you please? It's getting a little too heavy to carry all by myself.



Open your eyes - Learn to really see. An object, a visual representation, a form; Take them and make modifications. Distort images. Break them until memories and connections are made. Find bridges. Observe similarities with aspects of color, composition, light and shadow. Retain texture. Indentations, protrusions, silk and rock.

Move your muscles - Master fluency. Force your body still, move a tendon. Peer at your hands to see them shake before you. Memorize muscles as you shift concentration from one finger to the next. Watch your veins, remember your feet. Recall your movements. Recognize the stillness, feel the pressure. Create waves and make impetuous progressions with the one thing you own.


You know,
I shouldn't be telling you to do anything.
You don't need to do anything.
Don't do anything.
There I go again.

What's more spectacular than a red chair in an open white room?

Autobiography

Do you know me?
Would you like to?


Autobiography in Five Words

I was born eyes open.

Autobiography in Ten Words

I remember self obliteration before I put concepts to words.

Autobiography in Twenty Words

Bursting through the walls of my mother, I found chaos and struggle. My head hit yours and I found peace.

Autobiography in Fifty Words

My hands still retain the same fingerprints I was born with. My bones grew. My hair grew. My mind grew. But these fingers and hands, they settled. Through all the darkness, and all of the light, it is comforting to know that one can find an independent variable in life.


And so it continues.

They're Out There

People that care. People that listen, think, and try.

I adore you. For all that you do. Continue to do these things, and recognize your vastness in this world.

This is the start of something great in my cervices of my mind. The act of placing concepts and ideas into words which are then transferred through my nerves, to my fingertips, and then to the eyes of any willing, and intrigued soul. You're curious, are you not? I have with me only simplicity in the most complex of manners.

People, we have brilliant minds with such expanding capabilities.
Don't be subject to submission of a seemingly greater and unbreakable power.
Cogitate who you take advice from. Whether you listen to me is your choice.
I won’t judge you.

Here is my message to you, reader:

Tell stories. Make games. Hug often. Listen more.
Start believing. Take notes. Practice harder. Breathe deeper.
Stick around. Help people. Cook something. Make Smiles.
Take photographs. Write more. Respect elders. Be spontaneous.
Love yourself. Make love. Look back. Peer forward.
Forget time. Lose yourself. Find another. Hold hands.
Kiss tenderly. Laugh fully. Take vitamins. Make music.
Drink tea. Accept change. Open up. Take walks.
Use floss. Cry freely. Try yoga. Play instruments.
Respect vegans. Go places. Ignore mirrors. Drink water.
Eat ethnically. Cheer louder. Go green. Worship art.

It’s not that hard, really. Try, if you don’t already. The water isn’t really that cold.

This time around, I think I will have better things to say.

Stick with me. I’ve never been on this rollercoaster before.